A glimpse into my life as a mother to a special needs teenager…

The following is what I wrote while sitting at my daughter’s dance…

Wow, I am truly in a funny/strange place right now.  I am chaperoning my daughter at the Snow Ball at her high school.  This is a BIG DEAL dance. It is a formal affair for only the grades 9-12.  I had been assured the girls take it very seriously and DRESS UP. You would not believe some of the dresses walking around here. They are tiny (the dresses that is, not necessarily the girls). I am restraining myself, just barely, from asking what on earth is keeping their hemlines on the correct side of their derriere’s.

Yes, I am at a high school dance, sitting at a table all by myself, and I don’t feel strange at all.  Had this happened when I was in high-school I would have been mortified. On the other side of that argument I do feel a bit OLD. Oh-oh – they’re pairing up for a dreaded slow dance…now I’m really glad I’m old!

Holy crap! I just saw a girl I used to babysit walk by with her blond hair dyed black, Goth makeup, and a ring through her nose!…and a sparkly, pretty dress – go figure!

I just did a quick circuit to find Abby and she’s in the middle of the kids dancing like nobody is watching.

I have to admit I was scared to come to this dance. I was scared I’d be the girl crying in the bathroom. Ever since 7th grade a family friend has taken Abby to all the dances cause she enjoyed doing so and I was more than happy to let her. Because Abby is special, it would hurt to see the other kids her age. Hurt to see them grow up and mature. Abby is probably not going to mature much more than where she is now. And at other times I’ve seen Abby run up to a group of kids, all excited, and they barely pay attention to her. They just drift off as a group and leave her standing there alone. Not even trying. Whether your kid is disabled or normal that is a special hell for a mother to visit. One time we were walking around town and a kid (boy) pointed to Abby, said something to his friends, and laughed – not in a nice way. I came uncorked. I don’t remember everything I said. Something along the lines that Abby didn’t choose to be how she is – and that I was glad she is “special” cause if he was an example of what “normal” is like…and that he better watch how he treats others cause he could have a special child one day too – you don’t exactly sign up for the privilege. Well, I don’t think that kid will forget that day, I don’t think I’ll forget it either. And in case your wondering, Abby didn’t witness that confrontation, I sent her into a store with my son while I went crazy on that boy.

So that is why I haven’t gone to the dances. But I’ve let Abby go cause she really seems to like them and by all reports has a great time. But you know what? I’m not sad!! I’m watching Abby dance like nobody else is watching – and really, nobody but me really is watching. But guess what, all the other kids are very aware that someone may be watching them – I’d bet that some of them are hoping that someone is watching them, and I’d bet that some are hoping that nobody is watching them. Abby is oblivious to all that. I’d also bet that some of the girls fought with their mother’s about what to wear to this dance. At least I’d like to believe that some of the mothers put up a fight about some of those dresses. Abby fought with me… she didn’t want to wear the slip I laid out for her. And when I saw the dress didn’t ride up her tights I didn’t make her wear the slip. Sheesh – she’s the only one in sleeves or tights – and I don’t think she’s noticed…I just love that girl!

This is her disco pose.

And here is my craft/storage tip for the day. My neighbor gave me a long down coat. Lovely, but not my style. However, it can get kind of cold up here in Minnesota, so I wanted to keep it. So, I pulled the arms of the coat to the inside, buttoned the thing up from top to bottom and rolled it into a tube. Then I put it inside two pillow cases – wallah – instant down pillow. Works great!!!